The Greatest Gift - Chapter IV

The Greatest Gift

Chapter IV

By the time Justin and Caroline burst into their apartment, around ten o'clock that night, they sighed in unison as the heat of the living area and kitchen space consumed them, welcomed as if it had been urgently-needed air after a noteworthy amount of time spent underwater. Justin’s dash to and quick flick of the light switches illuminated the room and allowed both he and Caroline to throw their frozen winter clothing into their rooms before collapsing onto opposite sides of the sofa. The time spent in constant battle with an excruciating cold throughout magnificently treacherous snow-drenched city streets had exhausted both their bodies and minds. Caroline scrolled down her iPhone, informing Justin that Hayley still couldn’t be more stoked for tomorrow, according to a text that featured literally no words but rather an ostensibly random selection of Christmas-related emojis, including snowflakes, bells, wrapped presents, reindeers, sparkling piglet-pink hearts and of course Santa smileys to name but a few,  which Justin, after a curious but brief inspection, accepted as a special code that could only be interpreted by the sender and her recipient. However, noting that Caroline continued to shiver, Justin knew with diamond-clear clarity that what remained of the cold both within and without would be easily washed away with mugs of rich, thick hot chocolate. She need not even have asked before he performed the only daily winter ritual that never bored him and placed a shiny blue mug in her warming hands before pouring his own beverage into a slightly worn but otherwise useable cup covered in black, save for the bold-lettered initials of 'DD' marked in dark red on two sides and on mug’s small handle. Here in his hand was a reminder that even his favourite superhero had taken one hell of a beating and at one point over the past few years and had become all but forgotten, except by a few loyal, loving fans. So long as one did not let the fear win and remained firmly entrenched in a repeatedly abused idealism that thrived mostly in fictional universes, there would be a time when it was needed, even if only for some minute level of spiritual comfort. When that moment would arise, no one could imagine. That it would happen eventually, however, was a position on which Justin was determinedly certain. Meanwhile, the heater that Caroline had turned on began to outdo itself, as if rehearsing for tomorrow’s party, while Justin re-examined their celebratory setup once more, when he felt a sudden tingling sensation coming from within his pocket, followed by the standard, dull ringtone linked to a new number. Taking his iPhone from its deep sleep inside his trousers, Justin knew instantly that this wasn’t an unknown or unexpected number. So he pressed the green button without further delay, igniting Caroline’s curiosity.

                “Moses!" Justin said. "How’s the party going?!”

                “It is not going anywhere anymore!” Moses replied.

                “What do you mean? What’s the matter?”

                Through his phone Justin could distinctly make out frequent rough sniffs. Every word spoken by Moses came at an uncontrolled, discomforting speed, yet each one featured syllables that were unnecessarily stretched and delivered in a panicked tone, with the volume shifting up from loud to deafening towards the end of every phrase that turned from coherent contributions to the conversation into overpowering releases of distressed wailing. Sat in waiting on her knees beside Justin, Caroline gripped her legs firmly as she watched Justin’s smile melt away. Moses’ next answer was anticipated with growing concern.

“I am back in my room," Moses continued. "Lying flat on my bed. It could not have been worse! Geez! I do not understand, Justin. Why, why, why must this happen for me!? Tell me! Please!”

“Moses," Justin began. "Remember what I said before? About you not being alone and not letting this get to your Christmas spirit? I was not joking! My goodness! I know this is hard to actually do but you can do it. I promise you. Start from the beginning. Take your time. What happened?”

“If I have to say this to many people, I will go crazy! Geez! My head is scorching! I went to the party on time with my gift. I knocked on the door. I could hear the laughing, the cheering and all of their happiness.  Abigail, after a long, long time opened the door and let me in. She only said, 'Hi' before leaving me alone again. I did not even get a chance to talk to her or give her the gift!”

“Was it crowded? If she’s a popular person, you must understand that these things can get quite busy. I’m she was ju-”

“Stop! Listen some more! Not one of her friends came to introduce themselves to me! I tried so hard! I put on my best shirt, some new cologne and of course tried to start talking to people while I waited for Abigail to be available again. Nobody was helping me! I was doing all of the talking. All of it! When Abigail was preparing a bunch of shot glasses on the table, I went over to her. I asked her how she was. I thanked her for letting me be there. She only ever replied with one word! Until I asked her what she was doing tomorrow for Christmas! Hello? Hello?!”

“Go on. I’m still here.”

“She told me that she was spending it with the guy she was with. I did not know what this meant. Or I did not want to admit I knew. She… she was in love with somebody else already! Oh my…. geeeez! No way I could compete with that. How could I not have seen this?!”

“Are you sure it was meant quite like that though?”

“Oh yes! Because then she said ,'See you later' again and ran into the arms of a tall man with blonde hair, a perfect pale face, eyes more blue than I had ever seen before and big, big muscles. Bigger than I could ever dream of having! Over and over and over again she kissed him, holding onto this man like she would fall down a waterfall if she let go! Her smile, her voice, her laugh…. all of this was so different when she talked to him after being with me. Why couldn’t it be me?! Why!? Please, Justin! What is wrong with me!”

“Hold on a moment. You mustn’t be so hard on yourself. You are better than this. I know it!”

“Know you do not! This pain… I have not been this sore since I was bullied in school! Do you know that they carved my body with knives! And all that my father decided to do was shout at me for being weak and blame me for being near them to start with! It was my fault. This is my fault. But this pain I am feeling… I want to be slashed open a thousand times with a sharp, bloody knife instead of lying here, wanting to rip out my own heart and give it to her, even if she doesn’t want it! I am useless! He was better than me anyway. What did he have, Justin? What did Abigail want that I do not have?”

“No one is better than you, Moses. No one. “

“I didn’t even give her the gift! I am useless! Ugly and useless!”

“No, Moses. You are not useless. You could not be further away from that. We all knew how difficult this might be. Keep meeting people. Keep meeting girls and I promise you that you will see first-hand how great you are. When did you leave party?”

“After about three minutes watching Abigail in the arms of that man, listening to everyone saying how cute it was. I left and nobody noticed at all! Nobody cared! What is wrong with me, Justin?! I know you have not known me for long but you must guess!”

“Nothing, Moses. Nothing is wro-”

Caroline had heard all that she needed to. She listened intently to one side of the conversation for long enough to compel her to do something, whether the men for her were ready or not.

“Give me the phone, babe.” Caroline said.

“It is all good," Justin replied. "He’s just-“

“Come on. I’ve got this.”

“But I need to explain-”

“No. You don’t. And you know that. Come here.”

Caroline need only form an light frown and hold out her hand expectantly to emphasize her rising impatience with Justin, prompting him to waste no more time, even in warning Moses what was about to happen, before he obediently placed the phone in her capable possession.

“Moses?" Caroline asked. "Still there?”

“Uh… yes," Moses replied. "Uh… who is this?”

“I’m Caroline. Justin’s friend. Listen, sweetie. I know I haven’t heard your whole story and I am pretty sure I haven’t met Abigail yet. I’m supposed to know everybody in rez! Sorta. Anyway… you can trust me. Justin is amazing but I think I can help, too.”

“I… I do not know what do at all. I am useless. Ugly!  Hideous! Nothing but a waste of-”

“Hold it, sweetie. You must know that anyone who makes you feel this way is totally not worth it. Ever.”

“Really?”

“Really. Period.”

“Thank you for your kindness. You are just like Justin in that way.”

“I know. I hope, I mean. Do you wanna come over and chill here for a bit? We’ll make you feel better! I promise! And of course you going to come over tomorrow!”

“Are you sure? After all that I have done? I will embarrass you.”

“Honestly, sweetie. There is no way, based on what I’ve heard and seen that you could ever humiliate us. We want you here! We need you! Totally! That’s final for tomorrow!”

“Alright. Thank you so much.”

“Don’t worry about it. Coming over now? There’s hot chocolate! And we can watch The Bachelorette!”

Even Justin might have said, 'No thank you' to that, though he still would have been grateful for the thought.

“Thank you but I am exhausted. I am so sorry. Geez. What a day this has been.”

“I know, right?! But…. smile! It’s Christmas Eve tomorrow! Exciting, eh?”

“I did not think so. Until now.”

“That’s just fine! See you tomorrow! You’ll make it big in the end! I know it! Goodnight, Moses. Get some rest and we’ll see you tomorrow! I’ll pass you over to Justin for a sec first. Bye!”

“Chisarai zvakanaka, Caroline. That means, 'Goodbye'  where I come from.”

“Thank you. It’s perfect! Sweet dreams!”

While ecstatically presenting thumbs up with one hand, Caroline gracefully returned the phone to Justin with the other, with her elated smile remaining set upon him while he concluded their at one point potentially catastrophic emergency call.

“Moses?” Justin asked.

“Hello, Justin." Moses replied. "Thank you. Again. Maybe I will never say it enough.”

“You need not say it at all. Are you feeling better?”

“Yes. I am starting to feel much better. The burning in in my heart and brain is much less now. But I am not sure if I will be able to sleep. ”

“The truth is you probably won’t. But it will pass with time. Definitely. You’d have been unable to sleep anyway because of what we are going to do tomorrow! I can’t wait to see you there!”

“I hope you sleep well tonight. I will send an email to my family tomorrow evening and be with you by 7!”

“I hope so! Goodnight. Call anytime!”

“Goodnight, Justin.”   

Justin gently pressed the correct icon upon his phone to officially end the conversation, breathing heavily, his heart inflating as if he, or Caroline, or both of them, had just prevented a bomb from detonating. He turned to Caroline, in awe of what he had just witnessed her achieve. Listening to that addictively soft, sweet, soothing and poignantly pitched melody of a voice, Moses must surely have felt as if he had just been given sacred counsel by Aphrodite. A gift, offered without expectation of any returned favour, which was a privilege for both the receiver and the spectator, especially because that very goddess never saw her deeds in the same light. For Caroline, the opportunity to save Moses from hating himself forever had been just as great an honour for her. For her it was a sort of obligation. Made so by her choice alone that was reached as a result of no external influences but rather an incredible power from within that thrived on nothing except making others happy. By now Justin was aware that such a person was only encountered, even in passing, by a lucky few.
   

“You are a miracle," Justin said. "You know that, right?”

“Not at all, babe." Caroline said. "Just helping out a neighbour.”

“Indeed. I’m going to bed. Are you okay out here? I think that your hot chocolate’s gone cold. Mine has.”

“I couldn’t be happier.”

“Sweet! Moses did remind me, though, that I need to send an email to my family quickly. I’ve been putting it off for ages.”

“Then get movin’! I gonna go to bed, too. It’ll make tomorrow come faster!”

“Goodnight.”

“Sweet dreams, babe.”

After downing his cooled drink and placing his empty, cocoa-stained mug in the kitchen sink, Justin headed into his room and sat at his desk, thinking of something worthwhile to write while his laptop took its time in turning on. Once Justin had typed up the same plain, generic start and finish that one read in all Christmas-themed emails from overseas, since they were often copied directly from somewhere, even from last year’s message if desired, he scanned his bedroom shelf for inspiration. He could write about how he missed, from time to time, watching the classic spy thrillers to his father, or to his mother about how he still listened to romantic pop music with a Spanish twist only to remind himself of the car journeys to school he used to enjoy in her company. To both parents he might have written about how he clung to the tastes in all things artistic to maintain respectable conversation with anybody whose interest in his own preferences ever waned. Tastes that were encouraged by his late brother, reminding him never to be afraid to ask for help on the most trivial of situations and prompting him to play an aggressively determined track featuring thick, heavy but nonetheless tuneful guitar struts and a natural progression back and forth between roaring and smoother, higher pitched lyric delivery that could only have been part of an record by the British rock band, Bring Me The Horizon. Instead, he gave into bitterness, unwilling to spare what little energy he had left from another day in his Canadian home. He was about to send the same email to parties he knew were still separated when a new email alert popped onto his screen. He didn’t need to read the email address to know who it was, for the photo and message could only have come from Caroline. He gratefully admired the portrait-positioned photo that featured himself together with his closest friend at the time of year nearest to his heart, albeit the life pouring out of the image from the rainbow lights, the oversized green tree and Justin’s own relaxed smile was, even in combination, a mere fraction of the energy flowing out of the image compared with the gorgeous, enviably confident heroine who stood beside him. Such an image would more than compensate for the mall photoshoot disaster endured two days ago and Caroline evidently felt something similar, for below the photo she had written, all in capital letters:

“FOR MOMMA AND DADDY!!! XXX”

With haste Justin turned back towards his bedroom door that he had shut in the way in, only to find it open once again, with Caroline stood in the its place. Predominantly golden lights glowed around her as she stood firmly upright, with her hands together at waist level, as if she was silently begging Justin to say something.

“Sweetie… they said they were sorry.”

“I know.”

“They’ll love that pic of us! Send it over pronto! Okay?”

“I promise.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yes. All fine. I’m looking forward to tomorrow.”

“You know I’m here if you want me? You can tell me anything.”

“Always. Goodnight, Caroline. Merry Christmas! I don’t care if it is too early!”

“Merry Christmas! Sleep well, my darling.”

“Thank you. You too.”

What on earth was Justin thinking? He knew that Caroline could see right through him better than Santa ever could. Thus, she must have been aware that he had just told a fairly naughty fib. For Justin was not all fine. Far from it. Yet he remained in blissful denial of his cowardly ignorance of those he abandoned back home, he felt, in return for a betrayal on their part that could never be forgiven. Either that or he refused to forgive himself for pretending that all he left behind didn’t matter anymore, or that at least he no longer mattered there in the slightest. He went further, dismissing the possibility that, in the end, there might be nothing at all to forgive, either at home or overseas. Either way, only Justin could mend his fractured roots but he had chosen to employ all his courage instead on the future, determined to live the remainder of his life as devoid from the filth of grief and anger as possible. He sent the email, as promised. But that was it. Depleted entirely of positivity for the day, he fell back into that wasteful habit that plagued him every time he passed an empty park bench. As if way, way too high on weed, even for a veteran pot user, he slothfully turned to the most morbid orchestral track he knew and put it on repeat, letting it play without interruption, quiet enough so Caroline could not hear from next door, while he performed every nightly routine prior to sleep as if where a punishment before finally shutting down his laptop and collapsing into bed. His eyes watered with shame while he pondered the bizarre contradiction defining his entire life to date. Here and now, he remained a champion in driving despair out of the lives of others, strangers and dear friends alike. If today was his last day, however, and he had been presented with a pile papers towering above his residence hall complex, all presenting clear and perfectly reasonable suggestions for addressing the dilemmas ceaselessly holding him back and threatening to destroy the best of his own life, he would burn it to ground even before considering a reading of it. On the hand, he had sent that email. He wanted a reply. So maybe part of him really did still want to rebuild the world he left behind after all. Someday, somehow, he would make it all better. Just not right now. Right now, this Christmas, he wanted to help other people. For that was the greatest and in his eyes the only gift that he could offer.

****

         

Christmas Eve had come at last and by seven o'clock Justin and Caroline were more than ready and waiting to open their doors for guests. Together they sat on the sofa, relishing their efforts one last time. Not, they hoped, just in case it was all trashed by the time their phones struck midnight. Certainly that was never going to happen. Rather, they celebrated their ever-growing excitement for the big day that slowly but inevitably would decline once the party was over, although not before, they prayed in equal measure, joy might overflow around the room on account of the lights, smiles, laughter and displays of both physical and emotional affection freely given in abundance by all attending. Joy that had built up day after day over an entire year of victories and losses, revelations and tumbles into paranoid confusions, climaxing at last with a short but nonetheless freezing journey through the stubborn, foggy, fiendishly blinding dark winter night, all the way to their apartment, now brilliantly transformed into a festive sanctuary.

Upon reaching the promised pad, the first thing that a guest would see while guided inside by the hosts would of course be the proud but prickly green tree draped with long strands glistening tinsel, the former one admiral blue and the latter being of the silver sort, clinging from top to bottom like two spiral staircases. Accompanying them upon the same tree were the less striking but no more important ruby-red baubles that made perfect mirrors from certain angles, little golden bells that would sway in a frenzy at the slightest disturbance. Then there was an additional but more unstable spiral path of red, blue, green and purple throne-shaped lights, all competing with each other to shine brightest and consequently shooting out vivid rays of many contrasting flavours in all directions until every individual object and item of furniture looked sick with multi-coloured glee. By now they might be entranced by the classic Christmas music selection, warming up with Bing Crosby’s White Christmas and then jumping to Band Aid’s Do they Know it’s Christmas? The music came incessantly out of the Bose speakers laid upon the kitchen table, which were loud enough to set the mood for any wannabe seasonal movie scene but quiet enough to permit audible, unhindered conversation. Whether they looked left or right, their next observation might be marked predominantly by the tiny, orb-shaped bumblebee-yellow lights swarmed around the entire rectangular room, over, under and across obstacles ranging from picture frames, to bedrooms doors, to a refrigerator. If they weren’t careful, they might miss the numerous Persian-rose tinsel strands draped over the thirty-two inch Samsung flat screen television, now acting as yet another mirror for the wanderer but on this occasion with an oil-black tint, and also over every conceivable frame able to support them, making the photos and doorways all the more inviting. If the visitors had been guided to the right after their entrance, they would be able to rejoice as they identified the brick-shaped source of the music surrounded by an intricate formation of snacks in plentiful supply, for a handful of people at least. While diving hand first into a bowl of dark chocolate or peanut butter m & m’s, picking out some Old Dutch chips, or digging through an assortment of jelly beans in a large helmet-shaped bowl would not do for a main meal or perhaps even a filling one, almost nobody would care once guided to the left, or full circle, until the kitchen counter came within sight. The most expensive but equally alluring element of the party came in bottles and cans. Justin and Caroline felt assured that there was enough beer, wine, vodka, whiskey and soda to support a handful of folks for at least the next five hours, albeit they would have been very grateful if anyone decided to bring just a little bit extra to add to the stockpile. They were not worried of everything being ruined simply because the alcohol might be depleted before the big day, but it was still a nuisance they could do without on a night that they were determined to make special for all involved. For the true detectives among them, there were also a bunch of extra treats hidden around the room, which included factory-wrapped chocolate Rudolph Reindeers buried in the tree, miniature Santa ornaments sitting on the kitchen shelf that Caroline had bought from a trip to the Vancouver Christmas Market many years ago, as well as the coy woodland-green mistletoe delicately hung from each of the two bedroom entrances with neat red ribbons. A jest. Honestly. Finally, outside their front door hung a Christmas wreath. A ring of green leaves, red berries and pristine pinecones would be more than enough, according to a quick examination of the blander front doors of neighbours, to attract lost guests to their bounteous celebration.   

As far as Justin was aware, there was one final decoration that he alone had set up. Any guest was free to nurture their personal interpretations of its presence but the ultimate duties of fending off the darkness with warmth, light, and beauty, standing tall and burning bright but still doomed to fade away, even if exhausted simply by time, were known only to him. Perched upon Justin’s bedroom windowsill, clearly visible through his open door, was a small, think beige candle that shone with noble urgency. Determined to keep its flame consistent in all its desired qualities, it was indebted to the wearied glass window for shielding it from the lecherous winds of the night, while remaining cautious of any sudden threats from inside the room. Only with the master’s permissive blow would the candle thankfully extinguish.

On this night, every year since his arrival in Canada, as well as, he promised, each year that might in the future be marked on the calendar as an opportunity to remain hidden in his bubble across the Atlantic, he lit the candle, allowing the new-born flame to dance well into the opening hours of Christmas morning. For Justin the candle burned for friendships won, friendships lost and for the faint hopefulness for friendships re-invigorated. Justin’s greatest failures, according only to his own unrepentant guilty conscience, were the losses of bonds between friends that he had once perceived to be far stronger even than those flaunted around with shameless pride between many large, close-knit families that he had glimpsed on his travels. For his fulfilment came solely through ties not obligated by blood, history or the ostensibly caring but ultimately indifferent voice in his head driven by societal pressure. Such ties were, in fact, maintained under no obligation at all. Yet all of parties concerned thrived on acting as if they were duty-bound to one another. Far from a fraudulent performance on show only for the sake of personal reward, each player knew that the other did not have to be there alongside them. They also knew, however, that to play alongside each other, shifting blissfully between roles in the leading and the supporting cast was perceived as a privilege by all involved. Never had Justin achieved a deeper level of honesty, or revealed more of his unconventional traits, or even discovered such heretofore unfathomable levels of shared human pleasure and pain, than in the presence of his closest friends. Rooted in common interests and nurtured by kindness, patience and above all an unfaltering commitment, these friendships remained the only results of hard work and good fortune that Justin considered right without question. The bonds remained youthful even after years of time spent on them that gradually decreased when juggled with careers, romantic love, family demands and more. Until, for reasons of uncertain quantity, one of the players abruptly left the scene, leaving the panicked, confused co-star no choice but to close the curtains on that friendship forever. Or at least until their companion decided to return, an event that often was, in spite of the angry lone player’s denial screaming hopes to the contrary, not going to happen. Why? Justin had heard all the excuses and still he could not make sense of it. People change. Of course they do but surely their core values that formed their greatest bonds stayed constant? They no longer have time or energy for old, tired relationships now that more important, demanding ones drain most of their attention and energy. Certainly they are now very busy people. It was silently agreed from the start that this friendship would gladly be shelved for years and continue to look as if it had only been waiting for days before it was next visited. If any new commitment greedily insists that an old one must be abandoned entirely, for no other reason than the fresher one is more special and as such may be free to direct the player with the greatest investment in the relationship however they see fit, then perhaps that commitment is hiding something, most likely the fact that it is worth it. Such thoughts sent Justin’s futile search for answers in circles. He knew only that he felt abandoned by all but a few friends in the UK. He knew also that he had done the same the moment he got on the plane to Canada. But he had tried to keep their connection going with the same level of love even if only through a computer screen or s silent prayer. As the other parties involved offered less and less reciprocity, however, the friendships had all but vanished just two years after Justin had left. Facebook told him they were happy. Mostly. And he hoped they saw the same when scrolling down his own often falsified newsfeed. Above all he hoped that, so long as the blurriest hint of a connection remained between friends of old, even if only through the sweet, golden nostalgia inspired by the candlelight, the most ambitious chance of regeneration might endure, until he either coincidence or self-determination dictated that he take it. Concerning his new set of priceless friendships, with Caroline, Danny, Moses and the spectacularly diverse range of people he encountered on his latest adventure, rather than kiss it goodbye and prepare himself for another hole in the heart, he likened them too to the candle illuminating his room. He imagined that trying to maintain them into the New Year and beyond would be like taking the candle out into the wilderness and trying to keep the frail flame alive, safe from wind, snow, ice and bears. Perhaps not the latter in winter, actually, since Justin understood that they were in hibernation at present. The worst part was that if none of that put the light out, then it would still cease once there was no candle left to support it. The light would melt away and there was nothing could do about it, except enjoy it with all of heart while it lasted. Tonight, if anyone showed up, that it what he would do.   

“Are you okay, babe?” Caroline asked.

With a simple question Caroline saved Justin once again from drowning in thought, which was no evident in a sombre slump into the sofa and a glum face fixed upon the blank television screen.

“Yeah." Justin replied. "It’s just that is seven thirty already and no one is here yet. Looks like it might be party for two tonight.”

“You wouldn’t hear any argument from me! Chill, okay? They’ll be here. Everyone!”

“Hopefully before Christmas! I must admit that it has given me time to really appreciate everything around here. You did amazing, as always.”

“Don’t be silly! We did!”

Caroline did not realize that Justin literally meant everything.

“For what it is worth, you do look beautiful tonight. I mean… not that you ever don’t but-”

“Stop it! Me? Beautiful in this old Christmas stuff?”

“In anything.”

“Awww. Thank you, sweetie. You’re adorable.”

“My mum calls me that! Well… she used to anyway.”

“It’s a good thing. I promise. You must know I adore you.”

“It has been a great few months living here. For me. Definitely. I always worry that that’s not true for you.”

“As I said, I adore you. Totally.”

“Thank you.”

Now arisen back into a more comfortable sitting position, while Caroline lay curled up not too close beside him, they gazed with delight upon one another, revelling in the peace prior to the party. Caroline could make clearly out that Justin had made an effort with his appearance tonight. He was never unclean, unhygienic or untidy but rarely addressed what he saw as the finer details, such as expensive aftershave or extreme-styled hair or an overpriced polo shirt with the defining feature being a tiny crocodile logo on the chest, in spite of Danny’s insistence that he adopt it all whenever possible. Justin was simply content with his plainer style, which made his more adventurous aesthetic decisions, often saved for special occasions, far more exciting but no less embarrassing if they were misjudged. After almost an hour of careful moulding, he had raised his short, dark brown hair with wax, in such a way that resembled his Hollywood hero Ben Affleck’s most popular look over last couple of years. Before noticing that Justin was clean-shaven and glowing with anticipation from his innocent, tear-hardened grey eyes, Caroline would look down and along the way notice a crimson-red polo shirt collar proudly sticking out of a fairly tight festive-themed white jumper with a pattern of yellow stars, red Santa silhouettes and cyan baubles running along his chest. Lastly, she would notice how his black jeans appeared comfortably accommodate his lightly shivering legs, from waist to not far above ankle, in whatever improvised position they adopted. Justin kept to himself the hope that these jeans might encourage someone to compliment his perfectly-formed but otherwise pretty saggy bottom, since he felt overwhelming guilt for such vanity even if only in thought. He didn’t care from whom the compliment came but if it was a girl that would be great, mainly because he didn’t work it. Ever. While Caroline giggled at what she saw as his cute black-socked covered feet, gasping for air through a small but noticeable hole just below the left big toe, she nervously wondered how Justin really felt about how she looked tonight. She but still denied the truth that she need not have worried.

How could anything Justin do be compared with her? She was more alluring and more valuable than all of the Christmas decorations surrounding her. She glowed brighter than the golden star atop the Christmas tree and wore clothes from a wardrobe that could only have been designed for her. Keeping her slim, curvaceous figure warm and impressively defined around her waist and over her chest was a sparkling ballet-slipper-pink jumper covered buoyantly with silver glitter. Shiny black leggings obediently stretching without any sign of growing worn in response the sheer levels of excited energy running from her immaculate hips down to her fair, bare feet, which Justin could only pray were moving charmingly from side to side because of the excitement and not the cold. Returning to gaze upon her gorgeous blue eyes, he held back with all of his capacity the temptation to gasp at the sight of her long, straight, light brown hair, now free from any disturbance to fall magnificently behind her ears, down past her neck and, for now, rest over her left shoulder while her affectionate hands fiddled away with a few mischievous strands. Her infrequent blonde highlights gleamed under the various lights and the absence of a fringe revealed the full extent of her totally flawless face, lightly blushing with a complimentary pink around her cheeks, indicating to Justin that perhaps she really had no idea how beautiful she was.

Justin suddenly realised that it had been a while since either of them had said anything. There were still no signs of any guests. Unless somebody said something soon, they might unintentionally turn this gaze of admiration into a discomforting stare. Caroline remained silent, now occasionally glancing in random directions, as if waiting for something, with undying patience. Justin had to response. Now. Right Now. Before the trace might be broken and its memory tainted by awkwardness. What was it though? What did she want him to say? Or do, assuming that he was not so lost in a delusion that she in reality wanted nothing at all but for Justin to continue the conversation? He knew that the only way to find out was to, as he had done so many times before, take the risk. He need only ask. She might say no but she adored him, hopefully enough to forgive him for asking a stupid question out of nowhere. Tensing up his muscles, or at least his poor excuses for them, suffocating under a suddenly very hot jumper, without thought into the final words to be spoken because there seemed to be no time left, he asked:

                “Caroline… would you like some wine?”

                “Sure. Yes please, sweetie.”

                “Perfect! Red or white?”

                “You know me.”

                “I like to think so. Be right back!”

                “Sure. I’ll stay right here.”

Justin jumped up from the sofa and ran to the kitchen counter as if he serving a princess, although was not entirely sure if he was doing exactly what she had hoped he would do. He clumsily took hold of the nearest wineglass and bottle of South African red in sight, pouring slowly in order to ensure it only filled exactly one third of the glass. Apparently any higher would screw up the taste. Justin did not believe it. He was sure that Caroline would not care either. But she, as well as his other dear friends yet to appear, deserved nothing less than his best attempts at perfection he could manage, in all things both complex and simple. He had just about finished pouring when he suddenly heard loud, hard knocking upon the front door. He wondered who it might be until an eager voice of the Deep South revealed the surprise. 
     

“Hey Justin!" Danny said. "You in there, bro!? You’d better be! I’m freezin’ my ass off out here!”

“Forgive me, my friend," Justin said. "For there is no room at the inn.”

“Like hell there ain’t! I come bearing gifts of beer, beer, and more beer!”

“Well… When you put it like that… Sold! Come on in!”

The three crates of Real Canadian beer cans that might of required little of Danny’s strength if not for the real Canadian winter that he had endured to get them here were quickly removed from his grip by Justin and Caroline one at a time until he was free to be embraced by both of them in the same fashion before he had a chance to remove his soft but nonetheless itching fur-trimmed black Canada Goose winter coat. After a gentle kiss upon Danny’s cheek that accelerated the melting away of the ice and snow lingering across his face and clothing, as well as the warmth that consequently returned to him both within and without, faster than the cosiest hard maple fireplace ever could, she took the liberty of settling him in while Justin closed the door behind them.  
  

“How are you, Danny?!” Caroline asked. 

“I’m swell, Carrie." Danny replied. "Only a tad nervous, on account of the fact that my gifts might be frozen solid. They’re not much compared to the fancy setup you guys got here, which is awesome by the way!”

“They are perfect! Thank you! How’s school?! I hope you’ve been staying out of trouble?!”

“So long as I pass my finals, I don’t care much for whatever trouble it takes to get there. Speakin’ of trouble… where’s Hayley at? Or Moses? Ore anybody?!”

“Don’t worry, sweetie. She’ll be here. You know how it is with these things. My friends are always late. But they always show up.”

While relieved to hear that Hayley was yet to enter the scene, Danny remained concerned about his newest friend, turning curiously towards Justin with blank expression on his face just waiting to reform in any direction depending on Justin’s next words.

“Have ya’ll heard from him about yesterday?” Danny asked.

“Yes," Justin answered. "It is not a long or complicated story but still best if you hear it from him when he gets here.”

“That’s if he gets here, bro! All I wanna know is if he’s okay.”

“He will be. How about you, though? We were getting worried! How did you get past reception without calling us?”

“Aww shucks, man. Sorry I’m late. Even after I paid a visit to the liquor store on the way over, I had to sweet-talk on my way in past that hot, lonely brunette chick workin’ on the desk tonight.”

“You mean Cassidy? She’s normally really strict! She’d never, ever share information like that! Not if it meant losing her job!”

“What can I say? We go way back! She trusted me, man.”

“You two know each other?”

“Not exactly. I just took her down this one time during orientation last year.”

“Oh dear. Of course you did.”

“It didn’t mean nothin’ but she knows I ain’t out to hurt nobody. So lettin’ me in for a party could only be a good thing, right?”

“Definitely. Anyway, I thought that you had most likely got lost in the corridors here trying to find our dorm.”

“I know it’s been a while but I remembered in no time. Besides, if your wreath chilling outside wasn’t enough, for starters, I followed some shining star that my itty-bitty eyes could see from a mile out as I got to the rez complex.”

“A star?”

“Might as well have been, partner. That’s a mighty bright candle you got glowing there from your bedroom window. It could only have been you. That’s how I figured out your floor anyways.”

“Well then… welcome to our stable, my friend. May I get you a drink?”

To the tune of an upbeat rendition of Walking in a Winter Wonderland, the trio enjoyed powerful starter shots of Smirnoff vodka before Justin ran to pour a fresh, full glass of red wine for Caroline, open up a refrigerated can of Real Canadian beer for Danny and conclude with a much tamer glass of Coca-Cola for himself. Once all of the drinks were in hand, he sat by the tree and invited his two friends to join him, looking down on him from their more comfortable vantage point of the sofa. They had barely immersed themselves on conversation before Justin almost knocked over his untouched soft drink in response to Dierks Bentley’s Free And Easy (Dow The Road I Go) galloping over the harmonious Christmas melodies heretofore providing the rhythm for their conversation. Everyone knew where the lively, laid back guitar strums and baritone vocal were coming from. Caroline. Everyone knew where Caroline’s suddenly elated, ever-more sweet voice, glittered with cheerful laughter was it was spoken into her iPhone, was coming from too. Hayley.
    

Both men rose to their feet while Caroline cleared her best friend’s entrance into the rez building with the receptionist over the phone, before having the dorm’s front door opened and ready for her other half’s grand entrance. Silence, save for Michael Buble’s  interpretation of It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas, endured until the queen bearing gifts of what everyone assumed to be an expensive, adventurous section of chocolates wrapped in the finest, shinning purple wrapping paper without a crease in sight, entered the frame. In her majestic grace stood Hayley. Long, straight, butter-scotch-blonde hair burned bright under the golden lights of the room that surrounded her as she entered, initially into the arms of a gleefully screaming Caroline. Justin and Danny proceeded towards her confidently but not without difficulty in awe of her at once dazing and then restorative sea-green eyes. All around her patiently awaited their chance to be enthusiastically cuddled and softly kissed upon their blushing cheeks by the girl bountiful in both the depths of her heart and the far reaches of her physical prowess, the latter quality boasting of immaculately smooth tanned skin and a slim figure that could only have had its every flawless curve, teasingly ingenious combination of flat and rounded surfaces from face to foot and the delicate smile around which it all centred carved with the most determined accuracy and precision by the finest sculptors of ancient times. While a cruel but honest part of Justin told him over and over again in his mind that Hayley still might never compare to Caroline, for reasons that could never, ever be explained, the light prevailed in that moment once a louder voice causing his heart to ache reminded him the two women before possessed beauty oozing in all guises from their very words as unique as it was infinite. In the presence of one they would no longer know nor care for the absence of the other, for both were gifts to the world that heightened the spirits of those they were shared with in defiantly special ways. A reminder, they believed, that there was more than one path to happiness. Danny, meanwhile, felt a little underdressed in his long-sleeved, muscle-fitting, fragile cotton, red, white and blue shirt. Even when complimented by the slim navy blue jeans he wore and caramel smart brown shoes that were now sat together on their lonesome with strangers, perched on a shoe rack by the door for the sake of comfort, Danny, in fact, felt extremely underdressed. All that Hayley need wear to achieve such an effect on those around her were showy pink socks and aqua denim jeans that were no doubt a protective layer against the cold, working tirelessly with leggings worn beneath them to keep her from shivering. Little time was at first available to admire her homemade daisy-white festive jumper with silver sprinkles that surrounded a large dark green Christmas tree silhouette with purple baubles on each of the six branches and a red heart, all stitched upon the front of the jumper, before Danny was welcomed into Hayley’s arms to make her welcome at the party official.   

“Thank you so much for coming, Hayley.” Justin began. “It means a lot. To everyone.”

“Gosh!" Hayley replied. "I could still listen to you talk all day with that accent. Even now! Please, honey. Thank you. It’s an honour to be here, which is why I’ve got-”

“Hold it, babe!” Caroline interrupted. “Not everyone’s here yet.”

“Thanks, Carrie." Hayley replied. "Okay, boys… you’ll get your surprise later on! Sorry I’m late, by the way, Justin. I was kinda busy with my folks back at home. Just had to wrap a few things up is all.”

“It is absolutely fine." Justin said. "It’s nothing you can’t catch up on. Would you like a drink?”

“For sure!" Hayely said. "I’d love some white if ya got it? Hey, Carrrie! First off, though, I’ve gotta get a pic of this amazing work you’ve done on the place. Get over the by the tree! STAT! You too, Justin!”

“Great idea!” Caroline replied. 

“Just tell me where you want me.” Justin said, not bothered at all that this photo had been taken before just yesterday. 

Justin and Caroline moved into position on either side of the Christmas tree while Hayley readied her iPhone to take the photo, certain that they were also not ready yet.

“Move closer, guys!" Hayley said. "You both look so cute together!”

“Can I do somethin’ useful here?" Danny asked. "I make a damn good photobomb.”

“Hold it, Danny boy," Hayley said. I need you. Just a little longer.”

The two models did as requested, carefully putting one arm each around each other and maintaining contact eye contact and smiles with the impatient camera, as if they both nervous that the slightest incorrect movement, facial expression or even unspoken thought would reveal more than anyone needed to see in this moment.

“Perfect!" Hayley declared. "Here’s your new profile pic, guys!”

“Of course." Justin teased. "Facebook. Where else would it have gone?”

“You know you love me, Justin." Hayley teased back. "Now, Dan Dan. Can you please, please take a photo of Carrie and me?”

“I believe ya’ll mean Carrie and I," Danny said. "But sure. I got this. I ain’t one for posin’ anyways.”

“Thank you! I have certain instructions, remember?”

“I remember my lessons on photography from ya. Don’t ya worry ‘bout that. Get!”

”Wonderful! Wait right there, Carrie!”

“Okay!" Caroline replied. "How shall we do this, babe?”

“I have the perfect shot in mind! It’ll be so good that my friends will totally like it and then unlike it just so they can like it again!”

“Only for you, beautiful.”

“I’ll just get the drinks for you are finished." Justin added. "Take as long as you need.”

“You’re gonna so regret sayin’ that, bro," Danny said. "Okay, ladies. Ready? Say cheese, Merry Christmas or whatever the hell you want.”

                “Thank you!" Hayley said. "I’ll just check it real quick! Carrie! Look! What do you think? You;re gorgeous!”

                “It’s perfect.” Caroline replied.

                “Exactly," said Hayley. You got lucky there, Danny.”

                “A good first shot sure doesn’t happen all the much for me," Danny replied. "You sure it’s okay?”

                “Positive!” Caroline assured him.

                “Holy!" Hayley said. "It’s gotten twenty likes already and it’s literally been up for two seconds!”

Although he had tried to prepare himself for it, a part of Justin could not avoid growing frustrated with Hayley’s determination to capture whatever she could on camera and share it on social media, most notably Facebook and Instagram, just for even the slightest amount of attention that came and went in a periodic cycle like the snowfall of her beloved country. For Hayley, popularity was, whether or not she would admit it, based at least in part upon factors like her total Facebook friend count and the average number of likes that she received per post, however interesting or trivial each one might be. Caroline, Justin and any other close friends of hers accepted that her attitude was warranted to a small degree, since the budding, stunning Theatre major used this small-scale popularity to fuel much grander dreams for herself. Justin couldn’t help but admire her yearning for a fairy tale that saw her blessed by chance and catapulted into stardom as an actress in Hollywood, effortlessly navigating paparazzi, fans, a stable career of enviable credits as one of Canada’s new generation of national treasures and a healthy, fulfilling romantic love story of her own with a male co-star scripted in her incredible, unfaltering imagination with equal ambition. Born into privilege and cushioned from birth by financial and emotional wealth from parents who both served not entirely clear but undoubtedly prominent positions in the oil companies forever puppeteering the actions of the local government while their resources remained stored safely in blissful abundance, Hayley felt that she owed to debt to the world, her parents or perhaps just herself to achieve something that only could be achieved, with the extremely rare combination of hard work and luck, by a small few. Reading her Facebook newsfeed alone would have suggested that she was the only girl alive who had so far endured no setbacks whatsoever on that high, trying mountain path towards her ideal of success. Through a Spring-tinted screen people saw images of an already beautiful girl glow only a little brighter desperately seeking the approval of her followers. While many were genuine friends dedicated to encouraging her dreams and seeing her happy, many, many more were total strangers. Both classes of followers never saw the numerous takes that she went through to get those photos just right, yet they all went on believing that only she could take the perfect photos even in her sleep, courtesy of a perfect bond with photography orchestrated from above. Those same followers often pictured Hayley constantly surrounded by her friends, family and adoring fans, never considering for a moment that often her most popular posts, which on a bad day received over one hundred likes for stating an opinion that those who believed far more passionately in had previously declared far more eloquently with little public acknowledgement from followers in return, were almost always written in total isolation. Even her pursuit of romantic love was so deliberately and hopelessly ignorant of the risk of pain when portrayed on social media that many of her followers wondered if she knew the definition of heartbreak. In reality, behind the walls of her home in the city, her quest for that sort of love was in fact a once immensely valuable silk cloth torn by cheating princes, permanently stained with blood by physically abusive knights and plagued by the filthy stench of emotionally oppressive outlaws pretending to be heroes wanting to save and take care of her, luring her with showers of generosity and ostensibly ever patient restorative hearts that would suddenly turn into drugs draining her hopeful light away and turning her plain, cold and nasty. Hayley remained hopeful. After years of trying and building her reputation up through Facebook along the way in preparation, she would become an actress. She would love and be loved the way she wanted. And for now she had not forgotten her real friends sat around her in present. They were her real friends and they would stay clinging to that title, whether she defied her own critics and achieved the success she wanted or not. They would never speak of it even private but everyone knew how Danny in particular had come to witness the truth so masterfully masked by her. Hayley’s first lover at college, of course a tall, muscly and handsome fellow Canadian, who she claimed was her soulmate repeatedly to her small world on Facebook, thought that it might be a good idea to treat himself and kiss other women on a night spend clubbing for his birthday, as if Hayley had given permission for him to do so. She hadn’t. And she might have endured even greater agony when she surrendered herself to a one-night stand after a pleasant, soothing encounter at the local bar with Danny, who would not dare go through with attempting to please her and himself through sensual exploration once he observed her exhausted, tearful but still gloriously captivating eyes gaze past him, as the youthful life within her had all but departed. The torture inflicted upon her had nothing to do with Danny but rather her despair at giving into greed as means of starting her fairy tale quest for a prince from scratch all over again. She was forever grateful to Danny for making her realise that she did not deserve to bleed for her broken heart and scar its healing process forever with a pursuit of selfish sensual pleasures pretending to be self-sacrificing offerings for attaining brief all-encompassing fulfilment. So they parted that night as friends. Genuine friends. Hayley told Caroline. Danny told Justin. And so everyone in the room knew of the very real, vibrant, gorgeous girl who, in spite of experiencing pain that she prayed she would never need to suffer again, maintained an undying energy that would last well beyond the wilderness of life towards her dreams of romance both on and off screen. Even if her faith at times became delusional, Justin accepted that even he at times needed that same resilience to get through the plainest days, not least because giving into such fantasies was contagious for many of those within his immediate vicinity. If employing Facebook as a tool to pretend that her life was more exciting than her reality made her happier, then he would not become yet another obstacle for her out of some misplaced jealousy or self-proclaimed superiority. Essentially because he and almost everyone he knew did the same thing. Just one notification online was enough to make anyone feel special once they became aware of its vast possibilities of meaning. Ensuring a happy Christmas Eve for all was worth far more than expressing some petty displeasure. Hayley needed no one’s permission to fill up her entire newsfeed with her highlights of this single event if she indeed wanted to do so.
                                          

                “As long as you are happy," Justin said. "Here’s your wine, fresh from the Okanagan Valley. I hope it tastes okay.”

                “From you it couldn’t be better!" Hayley replied. "Thanks, honey.”

                “Please help yourself to the food, too." Caroline added. "It’s all over there. Go for anything and everything. Honestly.”

“I guess I’ve gotta catch you up, hey?” Haley asked.

“Yeah," Danny interjected. "Justin’s gonna end up flat on the floor if he downs another coke.”

With playful urgency they all gathered around the sofa. The gentlemen gladly surrendered the sofa to the girls without a second thought. Such a small yet noble gesture was all the more special at Christmas time, since they both were in silent and unofficial agreement that such chivalry was a privilege to perform, for anybody, on any day of the year. They sat cross-legged with their drinks barely in hand by the time they got comfortable, looking up towards their gossiping princesses like children eager to hear a story of great joy from angels temporarily descended into their ordinary world. While Caroline and Hayley took turns in picking highlights of the year to praise and scrutinise simultaneously, aided in part by a cunning remark from Danny, Justin’s mind began to wonder, rendering him unable to share the moment with his friends in the best way that he was capable. Hearing the Bose speakers seamlessly move on to Josh Gorban’s interpretation of Thankful, Moses’ absence from the party became unbearable. Moses knew that they started at seven. Now nine in the evening was in sight and Moses was not. Where was he? God forbid he was lying curled up hidden under his duvet cover sobbing in silence over the love that he did not have this Christmas. Worse still, he might be growing tired simply through drowning in misery, clawing at thin air and trying to take hold of love that by now he must have realized he would never have even beyond the big day. Meanwhile, here sat four friends who needed Moses. They wanted Moses. In truth they could manage just fine without him and Moses might be too consumed with excruciating regret over what he could have, should have and would have done differently in his brief but bitterly draining pursuit of Abigail to even consider his decision not to attend the party with additional remorse. Moses might even no longer see any point in Christmas and actually go to work tomorrow in an attempt to hide from his problems and even the grip of Joy persistently seeking to illustrate to him that there was alwys a reason to be thankful. If Justin did not cease his blank stare towards the front door behind the girls, everyone might begin to wonder if he was okay. He thought for a moment that he should really just go and drag Moses out of his room and upstairs to their party, hoping that Moses might be eternally grateful for such behaviour one day. But he couldn’t force Moses to be happy. He had learned long ago from across the water in his old world that neither he nor the miracles around him could make anyone happy. That initial candle flame lit up only within through the courage to make a decision and with the will one could muster from nothing but imagination to act upon that decision. A light tap from Danny upon Justin’s back prompted his focus to return entirely to the celebration taking place before him. Justin quickly displayed a concerned, slightly opened mouth. His eyes glanced towards Danny’s and led them towards a view of the front door before being put at ease by a relaxed wink, as if Danny was indicating that Justin had done no less than all that he could do. Still, while he couldn’t force Moses to join them, perhaps the least that he could do was call him quickly to see if he was okay.

“Forgive me, guys.” Justin declared “I’d better just call Moses quickly and see if he’s alright.”

“Go for it, babe.” Caroline assured him. “We’ll be right here.”